the bachelor premiere recap

Hi loves, and happy new year! Clearly my resolution last year of posting every other week didn't work out so well, but I PROMISE you can expect to be hearing from me more (definitely at least once a week now that I'm jumping on the recap train!) So here goes!

first impressions:

Wow before we get into this, can I just say that during that season preview, I see WAY more diversity than I’ve ever seen in the entire rest of the franchise? I’m willing to give this a chance.

So I’ll be honest: when I first saw Nick on Andi’s season, I could not stand the guy. I thought he was such a creep, and then when he came back for Kaitlyn’s season I was pissed. We already had to put up with him once, why do we have to do this again? AND THEN THEY PUT HIM ON PARADISE and I may or may not have thrown my remote across the room. Over the course of BIP, though, he seemed to be much sweeter, though I questioned his sincerity for sure, so I’m very skeptical about having Nick as our bachelor.

Moving on. They keep playing the rejections and I am CRINGING. We’ve seen this happen so many times and it’s never any less uncomfortable. Fourth time's a charm, maybe?

rejection 2/3

rejection 2/3

Okay they're doing the whole family and shirtless workout montage, and someone’s been working out since his first appearance. I see you, boo. He’s so awkward oh my gosh. Okay I think I get it now, he’s kind of adorkable. That’s endearing I guess. I’d probably fall for that. 

AND COMMERCIAL BREAK. Is it bad I’m more excited over this live-action Beauty and the Beast preview than I am about this season?

the girls & the cocktail party:

Okay I missed this first girl’s name but she’s cute, she’s ETHNIC (!!) she’s a lawyer and she seems super #quirky and #relatable without trying to be. Update: her name is Rachel and she looks gorgeous in her red dress.

Danielle has super pretty hair, but she's not standing out to me otherwise. She's first out of the limo though, so she’s automatically a front runner. Her dress is cute though, you go girl.

AND WE’VE GOT OUR TOKEN CANADIAN! Vanessa is a teacher and I’m definitely automatically rooting for her. And Nick seems to like her, so this is good stuff!

Josephine the nurse with the cat seems like she’s trying really hard to be #quirky and #relatable and she probably loves pizza just like you!!

This boutique owner from Arkansas doesn’t stand out to me, but I like her clothes a lot. I might need to google this boutique. I guess her name is Raven, she’s in a super sparky dress and just made him call pigs with her. Hmm.

Corrine from Miami, I’m already irritated by you. You are twenty-four and you have a nanny which tells me you might not be ready to get married and be independent? And you called your vagine a vagine. There are a lot of red flags here.

Alexis has a cute doggo, and she’s obsessed with dolphins. I’m a fan of the doggo, but why are all these girls trying so hard to be weird?

Danielle the nurse is precious. I have a super good feeling about her, and her lob is so Pinterest. She seems sweet and genuine, and I’m thinking she's going to go pretty far. She brought him maple syrup and they seemed to have cute chemistry.

One of the best lines this episode was when she told Nick her sister picked out her dress, and he goes "well, good for your sister"

One of the best lines this episode was when she told Nick her sister picked out her dress, and he goes "well, good for your sister"

Taylor, are you Indian?! (Answer was no, she’s biracial, half black and half white, she seems sweet and I’m kind of relieved because I low key want to be the first Indian contestant). Her dress is STUNNING but that first impression was cringeworthy (all my friends said you're a piece of sh*t, yikes!)

Liz is friends with Jade and Tanner, they’re one of my favourite couples from the franchise. Like, anything Jade advertises on her Instagram I will probably purchase. She’s interesting because she already hooked up with Nick that’s #scandi I can’t wait to watch this drama

Blonde Elizabeth is second out of the limo, she’s all Southern and stuff and she seems sweet but her dress is a little prom/wedding?

Christen in her bright yellow dress looks like she’s a fangirl (ha haha get it, because of the fan?) also, she’s literally fangirling over him. I feel like this’ll just end up weirding him out.

Kristina, Angela, Michelle, Briana, eh, their dresses are pretty but they were on screen for about four seconds each. At this point, I'm distracted wondering who the drunk mess will be this season.

Lauren has a super pretty dress but again, these girls need to work on the first impressions!

Ida Marie has this cute two-piece dress on and the trust fall is cute!

Olivia, the girl from Alaska did an Eskimo kiss thing but oh my gosh this next girl literally RAN TO THE MANSION? Her name is Sarah and she just made the corniest runner-up joke. She’s going to do well. She reminds me of Kaitlyn, and I have a good feeling about her.

Now for the limo entrances that had me looking like Olivia from Ben's season.

In case you forgot.

In case you forgot.

Jasmine brought NEAL LANE? WYD? 

Hailey IS NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR. OKAY. NOTED.

Astrid is German, she’s talking about sex and stuff I guess, which is neat?

BACK TO LIZ. This is awkward this is awkward does he remember her? HE DOESN’T REMEMBER HER? It’ll probably hit him eventually. 

Okay, it hit him and he knows. Next limo.

Dramatic and romantic music for… Corrine. No nope please no.

Jaimi and Susannah and the one between those two were super odd.

Josephine is here and she tried to make him eat a hot dog out of a book. What’s with all of the red dresses? All of you look like varying shades of that dancer emoji:

Three more girls in red dresses, I’m actually starting to miss names but I did notice that Hailey with no underwear is also Canadian!

Lacey (also in red) came in on a camel to make a joke about humping. Nice.

Oh no, Alexis came in wearing a left shark suit. She’s insisting it’s a dolphin suit. I’m shook. 

Girl, you know this is a shark suit. Sharks have gills. I write about marine conservation sometimes, I know this.

Girl, you know this is a shark suit. Sharks have gills. I write about marine conservation sometimes, I know this.

So everyone’s flirting and they’re talking, and Christen ballroom dances with Nick and it’s very cute, and then JUST WHEN OUR GIRL CANADIAN VANESSA IS ABOUT TO GET THE FIRST KISS OF THE SEASON FREAKING CORRINE SWOOPS IN. I’m calling it now, this girl is the villain of the season. And I didn’t like her right from the intro package. 

I AM LIVID.

I AM LIVID.

And Jasmine who brought Neal Lane (green dress Jasmine) is already crying.

Left Shark Alexis is the drunk girl of the night and I'm so okay with it. Nick one hundred percent tried to tell this girl she was in a shark suit and she is so convinced it's a dolphin it’s painful.

Speaking of painful, Liz. Awww. This isn’t looking so good for you.

And our girl Rachel gets the first impression rose and the first actual cute kiss! 

 

rose ceremony time:

Vanessa, Danielle with the good hair, fangirl Christen, Astrid, ugh Corrine, prom dress Elizabeth, Jasmine who cried, Raven from Arkansas, Kristina who’s been crying and talking to the producers through the whole ceremony, Danielle the nurse who I love, Sarah the runner-up, Josephine the #quirky nurse, Lacey the with the camel, Taylor, Left Shark Alexis (lol what), Hailey with no underwear, Whitney (one of the red dress girls), Dominique (another red dress), Jamie, Brittany (red dress), and finally LIZ (!) are the women who receive roses tonight. 

I’m super sad that Ida Marie is leaving, I thought she was super cute, and I’m really surprised Lauren is leaving. I don’t actually remember the rest of the women who are exiting so they must not have gotten too much camera time. 

YES Vanessa, represent for us Canadians!

YES Vanessa, represent for us Canadians!

my predictions: 

Corrine is one hundred percent the villain, and Taylor will be the one who tries to call her out the most. They’ll end up on a two on one date, and besides the two of them, Liz will bring the drama because of her #scandi history with Nick. 

Vanessa and Hailey (the Canadians) the Danielles, Sarah, and Taylor are my front-runners this season. It's too early to call the final rose but I’m thinking maybe Vanessa (don’t hold me to it though!)

I know this is super different from my usual posts but let me know what you think! Who are your front runners? 

xoxo,

Nish